


Lost Boys Requiem

by backyardboy



Series: MCYT Fanfictions [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), The Dream Team - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, dream team smp
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Angst with no happy ending, Betrayal, Depressed Tommyinnit, Depression, Dream Smp, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Minecraft, Other, President Tubbo, Suicidal Tommyinnit, Suicide, Suicide Notes, Tired Tommyinnit, TommyInnit is not okay, l'manburg, mcyt - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27932794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/backyardboy/pseuds/backyardboy
Summary: After being exiled, Tommy has truly lost everything. His hope has faded, and he knows that whatever may happen, he will never be the same. Tommy has come to terms with the fact that no one needs him anymore, and that they're better off without him. He's lost his nation, but more important than that, he's lost the only person who ever truly knew him. Hopeless and desperate, with only one life left, he takes the only way out that he can think of.
Relationships: Platonic Tommy and Tubbo, Tommyinnit & Ghostbur (Mentioned), Tommyinnit & Tubbo
Series: MCYT Fanfictions [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2046710
Comments: 30
Kudos: 310





	Lost Boys Requiem

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first proper fanfiction! I haven't written in a while, so I hope this is good!  
> I don't know everything about the storyline, so if anything is incorrect, please don't mind that! I did my best with what I know.
> 
> Italicized text is flashbacks!
> 
> Shameless Twitter plug: @yrtubbocompass
> 
> And with that, please enjoy!

Finally, it was time. They were going to confront Dream, and refuse his demands of Tommy being exiled. They would fight to the death if they had to. Dream was nothing more than manipulative, willing to do whatever he could to keep his power. But that wouldn’t slide, not anymore. Dream needed to learn that he held no power over them, that no matter what Dream may threaten them with, it was L’Manburg till the end.

And so, the four of them, Tommy, Tubbo, Fundy, and Quackity had agreed to fight back. They had all agreed that the exile was bullshit, that it was another one of Dream’s schemes to gain more power against the others. They would fight, until Dream finally understood. Tonight was the night of war.

But at the last moment, Tubbo had changed his mind. 

“Tommy, I am so, so sorry,” Tubbo had said with a slight laugh in his voice, before turning back to face Dream. “Dream, I’ve come to the decision that is best for the nation, the most logical thing to do...” His voice faltered slightly.  
Why was he hesitating? He had apologized, like he was going to say something he knew Tommy wouldn’t like. But what could that be? There was no reason he should be apologizing, unless....

Was he planning on exiling Tommy after all?

No, there was no way. It was a funny thought, really. Tubbo betraying Tommy? Surely, that would never happen, not in a million years. They were best friends, nothing could ever separate them! No matter what, they were hand in hand, side by side. They were best friends until the end...

...Right?

Tubbo turned back around, making eye contact with Tommy. An emotionless expression had taken over his face. His once warm, inviting eyes had gone cold. “Is for Tommy to be exiled from L’Manburg.” 

Everything else about that moment had become a blur in Tommy’s mind. He could remember Dream hitting him, urging him to move forward, to get away from L’manburg. He could remember desperately trying to get out of Dream’s harsh grasp on his arm, trying so hard to return to the people he loved. Back to the nation he had helped build up to what it was now. 

He could remember his eyes filling up with tears, threatening to slip out as he looked as his once best friend, his brother...

Tubbo looked back at him, an emotion placed on his face that Tommy couldn’t quite place. Was it resentment? Was it sadness? He didn’t know. What he did know, however...

Tubbo’s eyes were still cold.

_-_

_It had been one of those days where Tommy was feeling down, for no particular reason. Anxious over every little thing, scared of the worst. Tommy didn’t like to talk about his emotions much, he preferred to be seen as the funny loud boy, the boy who loved women, the boy who cracked jokes even when they weren’t asked for._

_Tommy had never been confident in who he was. He had always had that underlying feeling that he wasn’t enough, that one day everyone would realize how useless he truly was and leave him behind. These insecurities more often than not had left him crying alone at night, doubting everything about himself._

_He could hear Tubbo’s voice faintly, rambling on about something that Tommy hadn’t been paying attention to, instead his focus had seemed to be more interested in Tommy’s lap, as he had been staring at it for quite a while now. Tommy hadn’t realized that he had zoned out until he felt Tubbo gently place his hand on top of Tommy’s, finally snapping him back to reality. “Tommy, are you alright? You’ve been zoned off for a while now...”_

_The two had been sitting on the bench together as Chirp, Tubbo’s favourite disc, playing quietly from the jukebox in front of them. The sun was setting, and there was a light wind. Tommy could feel his hair blowing in the wind lightly. He lifted his head up to look up at Tubbo, who had a concerned look placed on his face._

_“Oh, I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to space out.” Tommy replied, an ashamed, weak smile taking over his face._

_“What’s got you so distracted right now?” Tubbo asked with a gentle voice. “Is there something on your mind? You can talk to me, you know...”_

_“I...” He hesitated, unsure if he should open up about his foolish fears._

_“Go on, it’s okay...”_

_“I’m scared, Tubbo. What if we get torn apart? I don’t want to lose you, you’re my best friend...” He let out a shaky sigh, before continuing. “I’m worried that with all the conflicts we have with Dream, something bad will happen between us. What if he somehow ruins our friendship? I don’t want to lose anything we have, and I especially don’t want to lose you...” Tommy could feel his eyes fill up with tears at the thought of losing Tubbo, before blinking them away. He couldn’t cry. Not now. Not in front of Tubbo. He would never admit it to anyone else, but Tubbo was the person who kept him down to earth._

_Tommy would say his discs were the most important things to him, but it wasn’t true. Well, it was true in a way. You see, he cherished his discs so much because they reminded him of simpler times. The happier days, where it was just him and Tubbo against the world, before all the wars, and the fighting. His discs represented his friendship with Tubbo, as weird as that may seem to anyone other than Tommy._

_Nothing was more important to Tommy than Tubbo was. Tubbo was like a brother to Tommy, someone he could trust no matter what. Tubbo was_ **_family._ ** _Even though Tommy made a lot of jokes about hating Tubbo, he really did love him more than anything else. His best friend would always be the most important thing to him._

_Tubbo gave him a soft smile, his warm eyes making contact with Tommy’s. He intertwines his fingers with Tommy’s, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. “Oh, Tommy...Nothing will ever separate us, okay? You’re my best friend, nothing could ever change that...”_

_Tubbo shifted their position, Tommy had his head rested on Tubbo’s shoulder, while Tubbo had his arm around Tommy’s shoulders, with his hand in Tommy’s hair, stroking it gently. “You’re my brother, Tommy...I don’t know what’s made you think that something that awful could ever happen between us, but it won’t...It’s you and me, until the end.”_

_Tommy could feel his eyelids getting heavier, a sudden tiredness taking over him. “Do you promise...? Promise that no matter what, we’ll still have each other?”_

_“Of course Tommy, I promise.”_

_Tommy fell asleep shortly after, a calm, content feeling taking over him. As long as he had Tubbo, he knew everything would be okay._

_-_

Tommy had made up his mind.

He couldn’t kid himself any longer. Nothing was going to get better, and he knew that. The bags under his eyes only got darker, and his clothes were so ripped up that they provided no comfort or warmth anymore. 

It had been almost a month since Tubbo had betrayed him, had him exiled from L’Manburg. He felt like he was losing his mind, he had nothing anymore. His mental health kept on deteriorating, and he hadn’t smiled in days. 

When was the last time he had a proper meal? He couldn’t remember. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to eat, he just couldn’t make himself bother to anymore. Exiled by his own best friend, Tommy didn’t feel like he amounted to anything anymore. He had no purpose in life. Without his nation, without his brother...he was nothing. He was all alone.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He had Ghostbur, but he wasn’t really much comfort. He tried, he really did, but he didn’t understand what was going on, so he couldn’t help. 

_-_

_About a week after Tommy was exiled, he complained to Ghostbur about how cold he felt. The next day, Ghostbur had come up to him with a jacket in his hands. “Apparently, it was Alivebur’s!” He had said, “I have no memories of this jacket, but it seems like it was important to him. I’m sure it’s warm, and you said yesterday that you were cold, so...” He handed the jacket to Tommy, a smile on his face. “If you would like to wear it, you can have it!”_

_Tommy never wanted to see that fucking jacket again. Wilbur had worn that jacket the day he was murdered by Phil, he died in that jacket..._

_But after a shiver ran through his body, Tommy pushed his feelings aside and put it on, trying to ignore the sadness he felt having the jacket in his possession. Memories of WIlbur’s slip to insanity flooded Tommy’s mind. With the road Tommy was currently going down, would he end up like Wilbur did? Insane, hopeless, wreckless?_

_Tommy supposed he would figure that out with time, but for now, he would curl up in his older brother’s old jacket, salvaging any warmth that it gave._

_-_

Tommy closed his book and quill, setting it down next to the ledge of the netherrack where he was sitting. It had taken him a few hours to figure out exactly what he wanted to say, what his last words would be. Finally, though, he was satisfied with the words he had written down on the pieces of paper.

Opening his inventory, he pulled out the compass that he took with him everywhere he went. _Your Tubbo,_ the compass had been called. Ghostbur had gifted it to him a while ago, and while it may have been a little thing, it comforted Tommy to at least know Tubbo’s general direction. As long as Tubbo was alright, as long as he was still alive...Tommy was content with that.

He understood that Tubbo didn’t want him anymore. It hurt, but he understood. He knew Tubbo was better off without Tommy in his life. Tommy was nothing but an annoyance, an obstacle in the way of the peace for L’Manburg that Tubbo longed for.

Setting the compass on top of the book, he traced over it with his finger one last time. Ghostbur’s carved handwriting on the side of it, _Your Tubbo_ , it said in shaky writing. Ghostbur’s handwriting never was that good.

It hurt to have to leave the compass behind, but he didn’t want it to burn along with him. This compass was the compass that could have led him home...the home that didn’t want him anymore.

The tears started pouring out of Tommy’s eyes. All of the emotions he hadn’t let out came flooding out.

Betrayal. Disappointment. Loss. Sadness. Anger. Hopelessness.

He couldn’t breathe. The sobs escaping his throat threatened to turn into screams. He clutched his head in his hands. It hurt.

It hurt. 

**_It hurt._ **

Finally, he screamed. He screamed until his throat was hoarse, until he finally let enough out that he was calmer. He wasn’t crying anymore, now trying to catch his breath.

“Well, I've heard there was a special place...” He quietly sang to himself. Memories of L’Manburg came flooding back. Wilbur’s smile as they finally won the first war. Their group hug after it was all said and done. Building up L’Manburg with the others, with his _family._

“Where men could go and emancipate, the brutality and the tyranny of their rulers...” Standing up, he looked down at the lava below him.

He remembered how proud of him Wilbur had been, when he had sacrificed his discs for their freedom. With a proud smile, Wilbur had hugged him with a strong grip, nearly squeezing him half to death. He had never been hugged so tightly before in his life. He had never missed his brother more than he did now.

Would he still be proud of him now, if he knew how fucked up Tommy had become? He knew that Ghostbur was proud and that he loved him, but it just wasn’t the same as when Wilbur was alive...

“Well, this place is real, we needn't fret...” Would it hurt? Dying before had hurt, but this was this last life, would it hurt more? Would it be the same?

“With Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, fuck Eret...” He laughed a little as he sang the last part. He remembered feeling so betrayed that day, when Eret had led them right into his death trap. But now, in his final moments, he longed to go back to those days. While it was still hard, at least he wasn’t alone back then.

“It's a very big and not blown-up L'Manberg.” Tommy finished, eyes still fixated on the lava below. He was so cold, even with the jacket on. The lava would be warm. He would finally feel warm again.

Would Tubbo miss him?  
Would _anyone_ miss him?

What did they think of him now? He knew that they didn’t want him anymore, but was there anything else they felt...? Did they reminisce at their past experiences like Tommy did? Did they still love him deep down?

Would they bother holding a funeral for him? Would he have a gravestone? If he did, would people care enough to leave flowers there? Would they visit?

Would they see him as a hero, or as a villain in their story? If they ever talked about him, would they talk about the brave Tommy who risked his most valuable items for his nation, or would they talk about the Tommy they hated, the exiled, disappointing Tommy?

Tommy supposed he would never know. He wasn’t sure if he would want to know if he even had the option.

He turned back to face the Nether portal one last time, “Goodbye, my L’Manburg...” he said quietly, saluting weakly to the portal. “I’ll miss you all.” 

And finally, with one last breath, with tears falling down his face once more, he took a step forward.

Finally, he would be at peace. He wouldn’t hurt anymore.

He was finally free.

**[Tommyinnit tried to swim in lava.]**


End file.
